Worst Albums of 2014!

This is hands-down my favorite yearly post. Ok, I get more true pleasure out of doing the "Top 10 Albums of the Year." It's a chance to spotlight some overlooked  (by the masses) bands. But doing the "worst albums of the year," Oh, my. Let's just say I'm Anakin Skywalker turning into Darth Vader. Would I be willing to cut off my own son's hand? If he played bad guitar in a shitty band...I think the rock term is "hells, yeah!"

Ground rules for our "worst albums of the year."  As always, we're excluding certain tweener bands like One Direction. Putting them on this list would be like complaining about The Wiggles or Yo Gabba Gabba or the newest Kids Bop cd. It's just shitty stuff listened to by kids.

Having said that, the first two albums on this list were bought by kids.  Do you think a Beatles, Rolling Stones, or Led Zepplin album ever got knocked off  the charts by a kid's album? (Maybe it happened. I don't feel like Googling it.) It just shows that children are buying more music than adults. Or that adults are listening to such shitty music that their kids have no choice. Sad either way.

So, anywho, let's start trashing some, ahem, musicians!


Best Albums of 2014!

A little late...but here's Hijack Your Head's Best Music of 2014!  The top 10 albums you should buy, download, or borrow from a cool friend.

Here are the ground rules for how we pick the best of the best: nothing is based on sales, radio play or Top 40 popularity, although being a mass-audience band doesn't eliminate you from consideration. We just go by how often a given cd/lp was played in our homes, cars and heads this past year. So there might be an incredibly produced album, but it didn't get many repeat plays. I call this the Nick Drake/Elliott Smith rule. I  love both of those artists, but I'm only in the mood to listen to them about three times every four years.

Also, any band that has a member that plays a banjo, but plays it incorrectly, will be automatically disqualified. (the guy in Mumford & Sons plays it wrong. Earl Scruggs plays it right.)

Rockers, let's rock. Here are our Top 10 Albums of 2014! Woot and/or holla.


Country Singer Porn Names.

Legendary Memphis metal fan, the bearded Jon Coker (who, by the way, was the guy in the front row of the recent Motley Crue show at Landers Center who was called "Mumford & Sons" by Nikki Sixx) told me of a ridiculous hobby of his...coming up with country music porn names. As in, porn stars who might take their name from country singers. His top two: Girth Brooks and Poke 'Em Yoakam.

This is obviously Hijack Your Head material. So I will now proceed to come up with as many Country Porn Star names as I possible can. Some may be clever. Most will be offensive. All of them will be ridiculous. Saddle up, partners and get ready to Butt Scoot Boogie.

Finally...Mick Foley has come back to Memphis!

Well, Cordova, actually.

Mick Foley performs his one-mankind show at Chuckles Comedy House this Thursday night, November 13.  "Hardcore Legend: An Evening With Mick Foley" isn't stand-up comedy so much as humorous stories from his wrestling career. His show has earned rave reviews and is a must-see for wrestling fans. (I'm pretty sure he'll have some Memphis Wrestling stories. Randy Hales, look out!)


Ladies, Whip Out Your Tits!

Comedian Chelsea Handler recently had an Instagram photo yanked off her feed because she exposed her breasts. We've been inundated with news articles about women who are shamed when they try to breast feed in public. National Braless Day is met with scorn. All of these things make me wonder "who are these people getting in the way of me seeing some boobs?!"

Let's talk about women, their breasts, and how most of us would like to see more of them.  (we have the uncensored photo after the break.)


Anyone who doesn't like...

Anyone who doesn't like Sinead O'Connor is a horse's ass. And that includes popes.


New Season of Hijack Your Head coming soon!

"That's a new one," you may be thinking. "How can a website/blog have seasons?"  Well, it just does.  
We simply decided that we do this site in seasons. Mostly to justify those gaps during which we write nothing. One of the site's contributors just had her first kid. Me, I recently bought a Kindle Fire so I'm doing lots more reading than writing. Also, Mike Tyson Mysteries just started up on TV. I've got stuff to do, people. 

We're changing some of the features in the upcoming season (just play along) but don't worry. We'll still be offending people. 


7 New Albums You Should Hear Now! It's the Cool Stuff.

We're going beyond the Top 40 to bring you 7 new albums you should hear! And buy. And listen to again and again. And go see these bands live. Or you could just ignore this article and listen to the new Train cd. It's your choice. But you have to live with it.



While...hundreds of high schoolers across the county have hit the streets protesting a proposed curriculum committee that would call for promoting "positive aspects" of U.S. history and avoiding or condoning "civil disorder, social strife or disregard of the law."

Meanwhile...Oakhaven High School students in Memphis are complaining that they can't use their cell phones in school.


Action News: 5 Stupid Comments

If you've ever read the comments on a message board, news story, sports blog or much of anything at all on the internet, then you already know that it's a miracle if the first three responses are on-topic and/or coherent. We recently "liked" the WMC Action News 5 page on Facebook.  No problem with them or their page. Until we made the mistake of clicking on the "comments."  Obviously we're stating the obvious, but holy crap, there are some pieces of work out there!

It wasn't so much that people expressed a differing opinion in an intelligent way (hah!) but that people would take any opportunity to spout off agendas that had very little to do with the original story. Let's say Action News 5 posted a story about how the sun will rise tomorrow morning. A typical reader comment might be "What's up with those Jews!"

We made that up. However, these next comments are very real. In this new regular feature, we'll post five of the dumbest comments. Along with the name of the person who posted it. And we'll throw in a couple of their Facebook "likes" or other information. Hey, it's all on Facebook in a public forum. We are not going to make fun of the comments or the people. We're just going to post their comments. (Ok, we know. This introduction, by its nature, is making fun of anyone whose comments we re-post. We're just saying we're not going to make "extra fun" of them.Probably not. No promises.)

Ready? Here we go. (hey, you might be in here!)


I Went To St. Louis and Didn't Get Rioted On!

(site note: sorry about the lack of new posts this month. One of our writers has been trying to avoid being beaten by gangs of pizza-eating youths at Poplar Plaza. One has been spending time breaking into the White House. Another writer is being tested for ebola. And Miss Kitty has gone and got herself knocked-up and that, apparently, takes up a lot of time. Also, this site is not ready for a post titled "Itty Bitty Bella: I Want To Go To There."  Luckily, David Jett has just returned from a trip to St. Louis and here's his post. We assume this will contain lots of stupidity. Thank god.)

You might be Memphis as Fuck but this is St. Fuckin' Louis!

So I just got back from a trip to one of my favorite cities: St. Louis. Wait. Let me rephrase that. I just got back from drinking every drop of whiskey in St. Louis. That sounds better. I went there for a couple of concerts, some shenanigans, and also to get out of the crime-spree Memphis area for a while. No Kroger beatings, drive-way robberies or being chopped up and thrown out with the trash for me! No sir, I'll take my chances with race riots, thank you very much. 

In this post I'll cover my trip, where I stayed, what shows I saw, and there will be plenty of offensive off-topic comments along the way!  And there's pics! It's Show And Tell from the Show Me State!


Piper's Comics Porn. DragonCon 2014 Edition!

The total hot mess that is Piper D has been in Atlanta for DragonCon 2014! She's Power Girl. She's Supergirl. And apparently Instagirl, cause she's been taking a lot of pics. Here are the pics.

(Full Disclosure: David Jett is captioning the pics.)


9-Year Old Girl Pulls A Scarface on Shooting Instructer

If you are a 9-year old girl, the only "little friend" you should have should be imaginary. 

In a time when full-grown women are still trying to break the glass ceiling, get equal pay for equal work, and keep Republicans out of their bodies (figuratively and literally,) it's been "girls" who have been making strides. Like Little League Pitcher (and daughter of punctuation ignorant parents) Mo'ne Davis, who recently made pitching like a girl mean "PITCHING LIKE A GIRL, BITCHES!"

But just when one girl gains some gender ground, you get some 9-year old thumb-sucker who can't handle an Uzi. Go fuckin' figure.

It's time for some White Trash News!


Secret Set List: Morrissey At The Orpheum in Memphis.

The Cool Stuff. The 10 Best New Albums!

We take a look at the best recent album releases. This time we've got hard rock, indie rock, rockabilly rock. Rockers from the 70's, 80's and 90's. New rockers rocking with older rockers. Country, ska, and a song about going to church. Plus, you'll never guess who looks all bad-ass on her new album cover and video. Discover new music with The Cool Stuff!


Most Ridiculous Southern Soul Song Titles

The confusingly titled "Memphis Tri-State Blues Festival" hits the Landers Center, in Mississippi, this Saturday night. It will feature absolutely no blues singers. What it will feature is many of the top "Southern Soul" singers. (if you want to read about the distinction, check out our previous article on Sweet Angel or our article on Ms. Jody.)

One thing a lot of the festival performers have in common is their penchant for making thinly veiled, and fairly ham-fisted, references to people having sex. Let's just say that Denise LaSalle is not exactly Dorothy Parker. Some songs skip the double (or single) entendre and just go with something straight forward, like "hey, check out my big butt!"

Here are the 5 Most Ridiculous Southern Soul Song Titles from each of the festival's headliners.  Put that on your ass and smack it!


Bad Things Happen To Good Hotels

Union Street Guest House, a swanky Hudson, NY inn, recently got a lot of bad reviews centering on their policy of charging $500 if you give them a bad review. From their website: "If you have booked the inn for a wedding or other type of event . . . and given us a deposit of any kind . . . there will be a $500 fine that will be deducted from your deposit for every negative review . . . placed on any internet site by anyone in your party."  That's no way to treat a guest, Union Street. Or as it's better known now, Union Street Gästehause.

That story did give me an idea for another story. I'm taking a trip to St. Louis next month. I've been using Priceline's "Name Your Own Price" blind bidding system for years, and I've become a master at it. Many times I've actually gotten the specific hotel I wanted. Let's take a look at where I'm staying on that trip. And just for fun, we'll take a look at that hotel's negative reviews. For even more fun, I'll look up some negative reviews for two Memphis hotels, the crown jewel of Memphis hotels, The Peabody (I'll give $500 to anyone who actually wrote "fuck those ducks,") and Knight's Inn on Airways.


Pop Art Exhibitions Come To Memphis: I Want To Go To There

If you're a fan of pop art, you must be in heaven this summer in Memphis. Pop art is the focus of the current exhibits at both the Brooks and Art Museum at the University of Memphis. 

The Wrestling Report: The WWE Network Ends In A Schmoz

The WWE Network was designed to be a ground breaking, and money making, new direction for sports-entertainment. "Ground breaking" was correct. "Money making," not so much. Seriously, who has the WWE Network ever beat? Hey, I just asked a question; don't get hot. In this edition of The Wrestling Report, we'll take a quick look at the numbers, where they fucked up, where they are still fucking up, and how I'm no longer a subscriber, even though I have several months left on my commitment. And what it would take to make me subscribe again.


Anyone who doesn't like...

Anyone who doesn't like Helen Mirren is a horse's ass. Especially after she twerks. (it happens around 2 minutes into this clip.)


Motherly Advice: Anaconda Edition

Emily Dixon Cox, former stripper at Platinum Plus, is back to answer your letters! Problem with a family member? Don't know the proper etiquette for a certain social situation?  Let Emily give you the 411. 


Give It A Rest, Jack White. Baseball Edition.

Jack White, aka The Talented Mr. Ripley, continues to do everything possible to get attention except play music. Then he decides to just play music. For three long, boring hours. (don't worry. we'll get to the baseball game pic.)


Valerie Calhoun, Pin Up Girl. This Time In The Expendables.

Spoiler Alert. We have some of the winners of the Memphis Flyer "Best of Memphis" voting!

The Memphis Flyer "Best of 2014" voting still has a few days left, but we've Hijacked their ballot box and found out some of the front runners/potential winners. It's a Memphis version of an Edward Snowden leak, and  you can see the current winners here!


Anyone Who Doesn't Like...

Anyone who doesn't like Brody Dalle is a horse's ass. Here she is, channeling some Joan Jettness, on Letterman.

The Cool Stuff: Weird Al Goes Meta Edition.

Wanna know how sad the music industry is right now? Weird Al is the first comedian to top the charts since 1963. Weird Al is Weird Al. He's stupid, silly, and sometimes you laugh.  But to top the charts? That's how bad Top 40 music is right now. The top pop songs are so ridiculous that even if you like 'em, you're chomping at the bit for someone to make fun of 'em. The Cool  Stuff  rides in to save the day.


Surprising Number of Minglewood Hall Shows This Fall: I Want To Go To There

Of late, Minglewood Hall has been doing some killer booking. I don’t know who’s in charge, but I could almost kiss you I’m so elated. Can we please discuss the shows coming to Minglewood in September and October? Lucius, Chvrches, Phantogram, the Head and the Heart, and Interpol. Honestly, that looks like a schedule for Nashville, not Memphis. I’m so amped about these shows that I’m going to three of them despite the fact that I’ll be 9 months pregnant by then. If I wasn’t knocked up, I’d be at all five. Yeah, I’m dedicated. I know.

If you don’t know who these folks are, shame on you. Clearly you haven’t been reading Hijack Your Head religiously! You can read more on my thoughts about Lucius and Chvrches in My Best of 2013 article. Check out some of these bands’ songs here.

Secret Set List: Lucero.

Ever go to a show by your favorite band and get to walk away with the band's actual set list? Pretty cool. Hijack Your Head is proud to debut a new feature in which we post very rare set lists. We'll start off with Memphis fave Lucero.

-Lucero's new album, Live From Atlanta, releases August 12, 2014 on cd, vinyl and MP3 formats. 


The Flaming Lips Suck & Have Always Sucked.

The last few years, artsy band The Flaming Lips have confused and confounded their hipster fans through a series of bizarre projects including working with Miley Cyrus and Kesha. Is Lips leader Wayne Coyne a genius? Or is he just trying to get it on with young freaky gals?

We contend that The Flaming Shits suck and have always sucked. We'll sort through the evidence, starting with the most recent.  By time we get to the band's origins, you'll be thinking "oh, yeah, that's right. I thought they were cool, but I guess I forgot that they suck." (this isn't going to take long.)


Who The Hell Is...Amber Palecek?

I knew Amber prior to her leaving Memphis several years ago. She was an "artsy chick" who was always ready to hang out with friends. Drinking, dancing. General shenanigans. But it wasn't until she had moved that I first saw her photography. And it blew me away. "Amber took this photo?" Yes, she did.

Which begs the question: who the hell is Amber Palecek? 
And what is her deal with abandoned buildings? 


The Wrestling Report: Felony Breaking News Edition

"Jerry Lawler...as you sit there...with your life -size figurines!....doing who knows what with..." -Scott Steiner talking about his upcoming match with The King at Minglewood Hall on July 10.

Yes, yes, yes! Christmas came early! It's a Big Booty Daddy Memphis-centric promo! Watch it in all it's glory.

Scotty is not only vowing to beat Lawler and take his crown, but he's promising to take The King's woman (I use that term loosely.) Whoever wins this epic contest, and ends up with the "woman," for the love of god, don't take her over state lines.

Anyone who doesn't like...

Anyone who doesn't like Deering & Down is a horse's ass. 


Motherly Advice: Daughters With Problems and Problem Daughters

Emily Dixon Cox opens up the mailbag to answer more of your letters.  It's time for Motherly Advice! (to be accurate, it's more like "House-Motherly Advice." Hey, you can't be the stripper-in-charge without learning a thing or two about life.) Let's get to the advice!

Ladies, Buy Your Wonder Woman Costumes Now. The Memphis Comic Expo Is Coming!

Comic books were once written by cigar smoking old white guys and read by 13 year old boys who were afraid to admit it around football players. These days, thanks to blockbuster movies, The Nerdist podcast, Walking Dead, Kevin Smith and a plethora of emerging cutting edge comic creators, liking comics has never been more mainstream. Years ago I was making a stop at Memphis Comics & Collectibles and the girl with me asked "We're going to the nerd store?" Yes, we were. And did. These days you can even walk in a comic store and see not only an actual woman, but possibly a cute one. And now Memphis is getting a new annual comic book event: the Memphis Comic Expo! It happens September 13, 2014 at the Agricenter (thank god it's not at a run-down hotel three blocks from both the airport and crack-addled hookers.)

Let's take a look at some of the creators, guests and events lined up so far!


White Trash News: Tattoo Ewe Edition

In this edition of White Trash News, we've got pet tattoos, sledgehammers, Colt Ford, sweet tea, and some dude who wants to be a Die Hard villain.


Give It A Rest, Jack White. UK Edition.

During the recent  UK Glastonbury festival, Jack White gave a nod to headlining act Metallica by covering "Enter Sandman." Well, he didn't actually play the song. He just hit a few licks in an attempt to convince people that despite having his precious hair covering his coy face like a male version of Ally Sheedy in Breakfast Club, he can rock out with the real men. (after the show he invited the entire festival crowd to all cram into a vinyl recording booth.)


Valerie Calhoun, Pin Up Girl. This Time On A Plane.

Piper's Comics Porn! Debut feature!

Our friend, comic/sci-fi/rocker chick Piper D, is now letting us share her pics and thoughts on her comic book life. (this is like "Ron's Food Porn," except it's about comics and Piper is cuter than Ron.) Since it's our debut of this feature, we'll start off with a double shot of D!


Memphis Barbecue Book Signing: I Want To Go To There

I think every blogger out there hopes that one day his or her little self-indulgent hobby will one day get noticed by the right people and start bringing in some cold, hard cash. You hear these stories about bloggers getting book deals and making bank, but does that really happen? At least to anyone that we actually know? Apparently it does. I present to you the fairy tale of one Craig Meek.

The Wrestling Report: Big Poppa Pump Editon

It's a new edition of The Wrestling Report! David Jett brings you news about an upcoming Memphis Wrestling event at Minglewood Hall, the passing of an area legend, and lots of comments sure to get heat with someone.


The Cool Stuff: Catch Up Edition Part 2

More new releases worth checking out! We got behind during our break, so we're still playing catch up. In this edition you'll find old rockers, country chicks, guitar shredding, really weird blokes, a sorta Blasters reunion, and lots more. Including our favorite new album of the year so far!